Like it or not, we all have some form of emotional baggage. Yes, even that amazing new guy you are currently dating. The thing with emotional baggage is this: Experiences that we have throughout our lives—whether it is with family or past relationships—largely develop who we are or what we will become. And if it is disappointment as well as bitterness that your guy constantly experienced, you can be sure that his emotional baggage won't be of the ultra-light type. Says psychologist and relationship counselor Jo Lamble, who is also the author of The Partner Test: How Well are the Two of You Suited, "When we are hurt and experience emotional pain, we usually try to make sense of why it has happened. We analyze and draw conclusions, although often these conclusions are wrong. This is what becomes our emotional baggage." [b]The problem with men and emotional baggage?[/b] It can affect your relationship if he has already formed a bias based on his baggage. And if left unchecked, it's suffice to say that your relationship never stood a chance in the first place. "Baggage is meant to be unpacked, dealt with, put away or given away (resolved)," says Natalie Lue, author of Mr. Unavailable & The Fall Back Girl as well as relationship blog www.baggagereclaim.co.uk. "From the moment that it becomes an obstacle to your personal happiness or your relationship, you've got more than baggage. You've got problems." So before it consumes your relationship, here's how to recognize your man's baggage and learn how to deal with it… or if it is time to call it quits and move on to a baggage-free bloke. [b]1. The "ex-girlfriend" baggage [/b] [spoiler]Every guy has an ex story… but whether that story has a happy or bad ending will determine your relationship with him. Say his ex cheated on him. Thanks to that, your guy could have a tough time believing you, accusing you of things all because his ex used to do them. Or worse—his ex could still be in the picture. And despite him claiming that everything is over between them, you can't be entirely sure if the ex believes that, especially how she keeps calling him to come over whenever an issue arises.[/spoiler] [b]Deal with it:[/b] [spoiler]The thing to do as the new girlfriend? Be upfront about how this excess baggage is making you feel. If you think by keeping quiet things will eventually go away, think again. "Once the person has been hurt, they usually become bitter for a while," says psychologist Tevin Hopskins. "If these feelings go without being recognized or taken care of, the hurt person usually begins to hurt others in their future relationships and so on." If his current relationship with his ex is bothering you, let him know how you feel instead of harboring doubt and suspicion for both your guy and his ex. Do it for your sake, says Dr. Brenda Shoshanna, psychologist and author of Zen and the Art of Falling in Love. "Living with doubt and suspicion not only makes you feel insecure and anxious, but more importantly, it can wreak havoc on your self-esteem and your sense of deserving to be valued and respected." Had that chat and things still remain the same? You don't have to put up with your boyfriend's ex-baggage; get out and find someone who respects you enough not to drag you through the dirty ex laundry.[/spoiler] [b]2. The "I've been single for a long time" baggage[/b] [spoiler]Before you, your guy led a carefree life as a single man. While he says he's very much into you, his actions say otherwise. He's too busy leading his own life and can't seem to find the time to fit you into his schedule. Moreover, his selfish streak is really getting to you, especially when he claims that you're cramping his lifestyle and doesn't seem to want to share any part of his life with you. What gives?[/spoiler] [b]Deal with it:[/b] [spoiler]One thing about being single for too long—one could get too used to it. Especially men, who more often than not treat relationships with a more laidback attitude compared to women. If your guy is all about "me, me, me" and feel that you are taking up too much of his time, well you have a problem. "Wanting to spend time with the man you are dating isn't selfish, it is normal. Otherwise, why date him?" says Karen Karbo, author of How to Hepburn: Lessons on Living from Kate the Great. "Face time is what it takes to make a relationship work. If he is not willing to find a way to spend some more of it with you, perhaps it is time to think about dating someone else. You can't move forward with this guy unless he's willing to give you the time of day… or night." So the next time you guy blows you off, ask yourself if he's really into the relationship… or if he is in it for convenience.[/spoiler] [b]3. The "I'm not looking for a commitment" baggage[/b] [spoiler]Ahh… the age-old commitment issue. Does your guy cringe at the words "future", "long-term" and "where are we heading?" You don't have to be a relationship genius to know that you are dealing with a commitment-phobe. So why won't he commit? It could be any reason—from witnessing his parents' unhappy marriage to even simply wanting to play the field more before he gets serious with anyone. "Commitment phobia is a claustrophobic reaction to being in a relationship. If you've been burned, you are going to be afraid. But the worst commitment-phobes have been burned in a different way; their intimate connections were damaged a long time ago," says co-author of Men Who Can't Love Steven Carter.[/spoiler] [b]Deal with it: [/b][spoiler]Whatever the reason, your alarm bells should be ringing like crazy the minute you know you're dealing with a guy with commitment phobia as you're mostly dealing with a "repeated head banging against the wall" situation. Think you could be the woman to save him from this? Well, we wouldn't bet on it, despite what he may make you feel, says Lue. "His characteristics, personality and behavior give the women he engages with just enough of hint of what he could be, if only he wasn't so self-involved and quite messed up," she says. "They have a host of excuses as to why they can't be as much of a partner as we would like them to be and they blame 'timing', and tell you that 'if only things were different, you'd be the perfect girlfriend' but that doesn't explain why they continue to play havoc with your emotions." Our advice? Run the minute he shows just what a major commitment phobe he can be. We guarantee that there is a guy out there who thinks you are the perfect girlfriend anyway, circumstances not an issue.[/spoiler] Beauty Talk asks: What kind of emotional baggage have you encountered in your relationships? How did you deal with it?