I was known as this guy who’s fond of breaking a lot of hearts, yet — ironically; for some unknown reason – every girl in town wanted to be with me. Most of them were obsessed – I can still recall. They were willing to die just to get my number. Maybe jump off the cliff just to find me, and some were constantly involved in cat fights in certain bars because of — me. You see, I was happy to have a lot of girls in my hands (Mind it – a lot) But I was never in love with any of them. Sure, they’re pretty and sexy and all that. But, I maybe am a bad boy, but I’m certainly not shallow. None of them made me feel that “spark” you call whenever you’re in love. I guess, I just loved having fun — before. ..But then I fell in love with this girl so badly – when I least expected it. She’s pretty, but really not aggressive and shy. I always see her in church whenever me and my mom, or any of my girlfriends attend the mass every Sunday. She has long, black, shiny hair. With her big, brown eyes filled with majesty. She’s my princess. Up until now. She changed me and brought meaning to my life. What was an “all-party” and deceiving life became a vivid and happy one. She brought me bliss. She’s my missing piece. I love her so much that I was willing to give up everything for her. Everything. “Celine, I’m so sorry. It’s just that — it didn’t work between the two of us. It won’t. I’m really, really sorry.” I pleaded, for the eleventh time. In front of me was this girl who’s making a lot of money because of her flawless face which can be seen at Edsa, whenever you’re stuck in traffic. With 3 or more billboards of her surrounding Manila. It’s hard not to recognize her. “But baby, what did I do wrong?” She cried, wiping her eyes, and mascara ran through her face, making her look like a rag doll. Well, a pretty rag doll at the very least. “N-nothing’s wrong. . You’re a nice person, Celine. Please always remember that.” “Then why are you breaking up with me?” She blew her nose, after asking me that million dollar question. Okay, why am I breaking up with her? Simple. She’s not my type. She’s too.. wild for me. And she always has no time for me because of her shootings and all that crap going on in that little box we watch for entertainment’s sake. I just looked at her with not a single emotion painted on my face. Of course, I don’t want to explain that to her, that would only complicate things. And of course, I didn’t have to – what with that mind of hers. My phone rang. I excused myself and ran towards the comfort room. Great timing. Dang, God really does love me. “Hello?” I answered my phone. “Dude, Jenny’s here.” It’s my bestfriend, Greg. He lives with me in my condo unit. And Jenny’s my.. uh.. If you have a mind the size of the statue of Liberty, You would know that already. “I don’t know. She’s looking for you, she looks furious. Dude, you have to come here and rescue me now before she starts breaking your mother’s vases fresh from Vietnam. You know how she is.” He said. Jenny’s just like Celine. But Jenny’s the wildest. Really wild, I must say. There was this time when we went to a bar, and a waitress approached us to do her job and ask our orders, she got angry and slapped the waitress and even pulled her hair, because she thought the waitress had a “thing” for me. I got guilty that time, seeing strands of hair from Jenny’s hands. We never went to that bar again. “Okay, I’ll be there in a jiffy.” Thank God I could get pass Celine by now. I wouldn’t want to have “talks” with her regarding our relationship. Since we have none, now. I quickly ran to the exit and drove my Porsche as fast as I could. I got there in no less than ten minutes. I rode the elevator and ran as fast as I could after. I have to rescue Greg before Jenny threatens to stab him on the back with a kitchen knife. (Don’t believe it? I can’t blame you. I can’t believe a girl with a face like Drew Barrymore could do such a thing.) Finally. I opened the door and I saw Greg sitting at the sofa, Jenny’s holding his polo shirt and.. My prediction was right, she was holding a kitchen knife on her right hand while holding Greg’s shirt on the left. “Jen!” I shouted, I retrieved the kitchen knife from her overpowering hands and tried to act anxious as I could. “What the hell were you thinking?” “He wouldn’t tell me where you were.” She said. She has mascara all over her face too, just like Celine. *sighs* pretty rag dolls. “Well, I told him not to tell you.” I said simply. She looked at me with those blue eyes (she has contacts) and started to mouth Latin curses (she’s half.) as many as her mouth can do. “Look, I’m really sorry, Jenny. But what you did to Greg was really bad, and he could sue you for Christ’s sake!” I exclaimed. She can never regain her composure now, so I have to dial 911 or else she’ll kill us both. “Whew, you’re way too strong.” Greg said, still inhaling and exhaling from what had happened. “Please, let’s talk about this, Stan.” She sighed. I hugged her tightly, and that’s going to be the last hug that she’ll receive from me. “Jen, I’m really sorry. But.. this is way too extreme for me to ignore. You’ve reached my boiling point already. Do you have any clue as to what you did to my bestfriend? You almost killed him!” “I-I know. I’m-” “Yes, I forgive you, Jen. Please, leave now. And please do not bother me anymore. You’ll find someone better than me, I know.” I said. Please Lord, please. Please let her leave now. “But how is that possible? You’re the greatest guy I’ve ever met!” She cried once more. Am I flattered? Nah, not really. Heard that a lot of times. I should probably record that one as my ring tone *grin* “Listen, there’s someone who’ll give you the love you deserve to get, Jen. Believe me. You’re gorgeous. Men would kill to be with you.” “I-I..” She tried to speak, but I put my index finger on her lips. She nodded and wiped her tears, “I have to go.” She left without saying another word. “Dude, that’s one sick woman.” Greg stood up and nudged me off. I just smiled, “I know. One sick woman, indeed.” – I’m single for three days now. And it’s a miracle. I don’t know what had gotten into me but I decided to stop seeing anyone for awhile. Playboy’s get tired too, you know? “Honey, let’s go to church.” My mom called and told me. What the hell!? I’ve had enough sins lately, If I visit the church today, I’d probably make several more sins again, and then I’d have to go to church again.. and then.. “But, mom..” I tried to plead. “No buts. We have a lot to thank the Guy above now. You’re dad just won a new case worth a multi-million.” My father’s a lawyer, pretty impressive, huh? But.. I barely care. “Okay. fine. I’ll be at church.” And here I am. In this church, with my mom and her fan. God, why didn’t I bring my iPod so I could atleast pretend to listen to the homily when I’m actually listening to Slipknot? It was psalm time, that’s what I call it. And a girl went in front and sang the psalm. Wow. Pretty. My eyes grew wide enough to stare at her once again. She has long black hair, and was wearing a red hairband with a big bow on, Just like what Blair Waldorf of Gossip Girl wears. She has a blue dress on, and.. well, she’s kind of really slim. I had my eye on her for quite some time. I deceived my mom a lot of times by telling her that I want to go to church, to thank and to repent. And she would always agree to go with me. If she only knows what my real purpose is. “Elaine Lee?” Someone from behind us said, she knows mom? Mom and I both looked behind and saw a woman in her mid-40′s, perhaps. Just like mom. My mother recognized her as one of her batchmates during her college years. Great, chitchatty ladies. “Who’s with you?” My mother asked. “Oh, I’m with my daughter, Megan.” She said, She introduced her daughter who was.. ..the girl who sang the psalm last two weeks ago! Gee, this is my chance to get to know her! I have to grab this chance or else.. well, there’s no disadvantage, really. I just want to get to know her. She looks so pale now that I’ve come to see her close. But she’s still pretty. She just smiled at me yet, trying to avoid eye contact with me, I guess. “You have a really pretty daughter, Lina! Isn’t she lovely?” My mom asked me, “Absolutely.” I blurted out. “And this is my son, Tristan. He’s 20.” My mom smiled vividly at them. “Aw, great. Meg’s 19, turning 20 this March.” Megan’s mom smiled. I looked at her again, she’s really, very, pretty. - - My mom visited her long time friend Lina a few weeks after, and I went with her. So that at least I could catch a glimpse of her. I saw her again, and she was playing the piano. I was looking at her. Just looking at her in that white dress with her hands on the keys makes me want to know her more. She is indeed, very lovely. “Hi.” That was the first thing I said to her. Pretty.. smooth? Not even close. >.< “Hey.” Was all she told me. She always smiles, and she always looks pale. I kind of thought that she was a bloodsucker before. But of course, that is far beyond reality’s reach. We’ve had a few conversations. She’s always very nice to me. Instead of mom, she’s the one who accompanies me to go to church. She sings and preaches and I actually listen. Quite a miracle, huh? I couldn’t believe it, either. For the first time in my life, I’ve actually listened to a girl when she talks, without even looking at her chest. Maybe I like her already. Maybe.. Just maybe. “Hey Meg, what do you think of this?” I pulled out a small grizzly bear from the Toy shop we’re in. I accompanied her to go there because she wants to buy something for her little sister who’s birthday is just two days away. “That’s cute. But.. I’m thinking of giving her something.. pink. That girl has a thing for pink things, you should see her room.” She rolled her eyes. I just smiled. I was about to put the grizzly bear to it’s place when something had occurred in my mind. What if.. I give this to her? Then maybe I could ask her out after. Yeah, great idea, Stan. *smiles* I bought the bear unbeknownst to her. She doesn’t know a thing. But that’s just great. That would make things easier if she gets surprised. “Hey, Meg.. I was thinking..” I paused for a moment and searched for the right words. “Hmm?” “Maybe.. you’d like to..” What am I going to say? Damn it. I’ve never been tongue-tied like this before. “..hang out sometime.” Hang out? Stan, what the hell? I’ve just discovered the fact that I’m getting more and more lame every single damn day of my existence. *sigh* “Are you.. asking me out?” She asked, her eyes widened. Great, now she’s surprised. “Uhm.. That sounds like it.” There was a deafening silence but It didn’t last long since she cleared her throat, “Ehem.” Please say yes. Please say yes. “Okay. But, don’t even think of deceiving me, Stan. I know who you are. And your reputation. I know how you are with girls.” She half-smiled. Uh-Oh. If I’m in front of a mirror, I would probably die trying to explain the look of my face. She knows? Darn. “I’ve had quite a few friends who went out with you.” She started, “And they always come crying to me, telling me how a jerk you are for leaving them. They love cursing you and your name, Stan. Yet somehow, I know they gave their whole hearts to you.” She said. She gazed at the window of the coffee shop and looked back at me. “But hey, You’re not courting me, right? So.. what gives? sure. I’m in.” She grinned. God, how I love to caress her face now. She’s such an angel. “G-great.” I said, but still I was quite taken aback of what she said earlier, so just like what any guy would do, I tried to defend myself.. with lies. “But you see, I’d never fool you, Meg. I cannot afford to do that.” I said. I don’t actually think those are lies. I don’t even think I can fool her easily. For God’s sake, she goes to Church. I might get hit by thunder if I fool her! “Hm, words are easily said, Stan. I just hope you really wouldn’t.” She looked at me intently with a smile painted across his face. We went out, not once, not twice — a lot of times. I grabbed her hand once, and surprisingly, she didn’t refused. She just looked at me and tried to smile as always. But I never tried to kiss her. I just want to hold her hand, for eternity, maybe? I just want her. more than she could ever know. I’ve never felt something like this with someone. This is, new. Unfamiliar yet feels so right. Damn. Am I falling in love with her? o_________o “Do you think about the future?” She asked, we’re on top of my Porsche, stargazing. Because that’s what she always do. At first, I couldn’t quite think of a very good reason why she’s doing that. Man, she could gaze at the sky for a million minutes yet she doesn’t get bored. How cool is that? “Hm? N-not really.” I said, embarrassed. But atleast I didn’t lie. I never even thought of the future. My future’s been drawn out already. My grandfather said that I’ll be the President of our Advertising company, (which was actually a position reserved for my father, but since he was a full time lawyer, he just passed it to me.) “Why are you asking?” “I don’t know.” She sighed. “I just think about it sometimes. Yet I couldn’t bear thinking about it for too long.” Huh? Why is she saying that? “Why?” “I really don’t have a clue, Stan. But all I know is, I just want to be happy and to fall in love with someone who’ll never leave me. Who’ll give me his heart without even asking when I’ll give it back. I want to love so hard that It’ll make my heart burst.” She laughed, I looked at her and was surprised to see teardrops on her eyes. “Hey.” I wiped her tears. “Don’t be too emotional. I know it’ll happen. Someone will love you, Megan. Someone will give his heart to you, someone will give you what you deserve to have. I know that.” I said. She just looked at me, and smiled. Yet, for the first time in my life.. I felt anxious when she smiled at me like that. It was the kind of smile you see when you’re father’s about to go abroad or you’re favorite teacher’s retiring soon. ..it was a goodbye smile. “Thank you, Tristan. For making me happy.” She said. She held my hand and caressed it to her cheek. I just smiled at her and stroke her hair. “Do you wanna know what my greatest dream is?” She soon asked. She gazed upon the sky once again. “What is it?” “..To be kissed by someone in the rain.” Soon enough, rain fell so hard yet we felt no movement on our body. She stood up and felt the rain as it was wetting her face. She was smiling. I leaned closer to her and she looked at me with her eyes, that were so beautiful, but not even twice as beautiful as she, herself. Beautiful — inside and out. She tilted her head, and I kissed her. She kissed me back. And from then on, I knew that I was so damn in love with Megan. – Months had passed, I’m still with Megan. And I’ve always prayed so hard for this to last. I knew then that she’s the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. She makes me happy, and for what it’s worth, I want to be with her forever. Since we became a “we”, we never missed mass and was always together. My mom was proud of me because of the big change in my life. She told me that once Meg and I decided to marry, she’ll be the happiest mother in the whole planet. Megan changed me and made me realize a lot of things. She made me realize how much I love my mother, how much faith I have on God. and how life’s been good to me. All because of her. Until this one black, night. It was a starless night. With not even a single star in the sky. I was sitting outside my Porsche’s exterior. I was waiting for her. I never gave her the grizzly bear I bought. I guess I chickened out when we had our first date. And now’s her birthday, so I figured.. That I’ll give her the bear and this necklace with a pendant of a star too. “Hi.” She said, I looked back and saw her. Did she grew paler than before? “Hi.” I kissed her on the cheeks. “Happy 20th birthday!” I blurted out. I gave her the grizzly bear first. She was teary-eyed. What’s happening? She’s been really emotional these days. “Stan, I-” “Wait. I have another surprise for you.” I said. This is it, the moment that I’ve been waiting for in my whole life, I never even thought It would come. I’ll confess and tell her that I want to be with her forever. “Here.” I said, “Turn around.” She turned around and I put the necklace on her neck. “Stan..” She tried to say something. But I think that would have to wait first, since.. I’ll confess now. “Meg. I.. I love you. I love you so much. And.. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” I said. There. There was silence, and she began to cry. She cried really hard, why is she too emotional? “Hey, c’mon. I know you’re not ready, but.. I can wait. I’ll wait. I’ll wait forever, if that’s okay with you. I’ll wait as long as I breathe.” I said. She was still crying, and I figured it might have been because I gave her a necklace, not a ring. “Aw, is it because of the necklace? You don’t like it? If you want I can go and buy you a ring instead.” I said, still caressing her. “No, Stan. It’s perfect. It’s like your heart close to mine.” She said, She looked at my face and I could see her lovely, glorious face with tears – mascara free. “You don’t understand.” She sighed. “why? What’s wrong?” “I’m sick.” She said. “I have brain cancer.” ..and I thought I was going to die when she said that. She meant that she only has days to live. She told me that the medicine’s that she’s been taking aren’t enough, and that she’s been fighting for several years now. I was speechless. I didn’t know what to say. What am I going to say? A sentence came into my mind. A sentence not filled with anger. But filled with despair for her to live til forever. That’s what I want to happen. “Why didn’t you tell me when we first met?” I blurted out. I wasn’t angry. I was.. desperate. “Remember when I told you that I wanted to love someone so badly til my heart begins to burst?” I recalled that night. Oh such lovely night. “From that moment I knew then that you’re the one I’m going to fall for. But I didn’t know that you’re going to fall for me like this. I thought you’re going to leave me like all of the girls you’ve been with. I thought you’re going to fool me. And I was ready for that. I was ready for anything. Anything. So that I can fall for you freely. I was willing to feel pain, anything painful. I will accept all of those things for the sake of me loving you.” She cried so hard. She exhaled, and went on. “But I was wrong with you, Stan. I was surprisingly wrong with you. I thought you’re going to hurt me, and leave me shattered. But when I was with you, I never felt anything painful nor hurtful. All I felt when I’m with you was love, concern and so much faith, not only to me but to God as well. This is the first pain I felt with you. The pain of confessing about my condition.” She said. I.. Don’t know what to.. say. “I..” I started out. Figuring about the right words to tell her. “I love you, Meg. We’ll fight this. We have God on our hearts. We’ll fight this, you’re going to survive, Megan. You hear me?! You’re going to survive!” Is she? A few months went by, she’s in the hospital, confined. And I’m with her 24/7. As much as possible, I never wanted to leave her side. Even holding my pee’s an option, just to be with her. “Stan, go and eat. I don’t want to see you starve yourself. You don’t deserve this. You have to eat and get some rest.” She told me. I’m not hungry. And even if I am.. I’ll never leave her side. “I’m okay, Meg. I’ll be okay. You take care of yourself. You can do this, Meg. Just hold on.” I held her hand. I don’t even want to let go anymore. “I.. I will. But.. If I can’t. Please, always remember that.. that.. I’m happy with you. I’m glad you’re the one I fell in love with. I’m really glad to have met you, Tristan. I love you so much.” “Meg, don’t say anything like that! I swear you can be such a joker sometimes. I love you too so damn much that I think my heart’s gonna burst right now. And.. ..you have my heart. and i’ll never take it back. never.” I kissed her hand and felt tears coming down from my eyes, expressing it’s sorrows as much as it could. If she only know the pain I’m feeling right now. When Megan was transferred to the ICU, A day never ended without a prayer. I’ve always prayed for her. I know God loves us, he’ll save Megan. Megan will survive this. Megan didn’t. When the doctor told me and Megan’s mother that she’s gone, I was too angry. too angry that I want to smash anything that I could get my hands with. I want to go right there and pump her chest myself so that she could still live and still be with me. Yet. She’s gone. really gone. I cried hard, really hard, when my mom went to the hospital. I was still there, And My mom was comforting me. i felt like I couldn’t stand this anymore. I wanna go with her, I’m willing to give up my life for her. Just so that I could be with her. “Sir, Before she went to the ICU, she left this note to me and told me that if she cannot survive this, I should give this to you.” The nurse handed me a note. A note with a few words yet means the whole world to me. “my heart bursted. that’s how much i love you i love you, tristan.. always have, always will.” And I’ll love her too, until my heart bursts. It’s been over 3 years since Megan passed away. I continued my studies and became the President of our Advertising company. I go to church everyday and visit her everyday. And before I go to sleep. I always read her letter, serves as my lullaby. “my heart. bursted. that’s how much i love you i love you, tristan. always have, always will.” I know you think it’s hard to move on – especially for me. But I’ve accepted it already. It’s much better than to see her in pain with it everyday. I know, even though she’s not by my side anymore. That she still loves me. And I love her so dearly, as well. ..until my heart bursts.