[align=center][b]The Moment I Knew[/b] [i]03/28/2013[/i] [b][url=http://aprileunicelb.blogspot.com/2013/03/the-moment-i-knew-short-story.html]originally posted here[/url] [/align][/b] [quote]I was waiting outside my mom�s office. I was feeling apprehensive for what could possibly happen this day. I am supposed to work with my ex-�boyfriend�, whom I haven�t talked with since our �breakup�, and our two other friends. This is gonna be awkward, my thoughts say. I keep glancing on my phone, looking around, and then checking the time. I wonder when will he arrive. He was supposed to fetch me here. And just like the old times, I think he�s running late again. And then I look up, he was there, walking. He�s wearing that white polo on top of his shirt, and maong pants. I was surprised, for he was wearing a smile as well. Then I smiled back. It was funny how I managed to talk to him first, and our conversation never ended since then. It wasn�t awkward, after all. I�m feeling like I�m just meeting an old friend and catching up with him. I have no doubts to myself whether I love him still or not anymore. It�s been almost 2 years. I�ve moved on. And I�ve been happily in love with my current boyfriend for a year or so. But then he held my hand. I held it back. And it stared to get awkward for me again. At first our fingers were intertwined, but I let it go and just let him hold mine, palm to palm. He stared at me. I looked at him, questioningly. �What�s with that look, huh?� I asked playfully. �Nothing,� he said, �You just grew prettier since I last saw you.� I was flattered and I just smiled. I don�t trust myself to say anything this time. We were waiting for a cab. A familiar friend approached us, looked down at our hands, and smiled. I finally let his hand go. This is not right. This is not fair. What the hell am I doing? So I stepped forward, and let them talk. I could hear them giggling and laughing and suddenly� [b]He kissed me.[/b] Actually no, he kissed my neck. ([i]that playful kind of kiss[/i]) �What the f*ck was that?!� I turned to them, glaring. But their smiles are infectious, so I started smiling and laughing with them. All of a sudden I forgot about the kiss. And how it felt like just before. Or maybe I didn�t forget about it. I was actually savoring the moment. [b]I don�t know why it feels like I�ve been missing it all along.[/b] Then I shrugged the thoughts out of my head. I love my boyfriend. I couldn�t be unfair with him. And like a savior out of these feelings I have right now, a cab came. And we bid goodbye to our friend, and started heading to our destination. It was funny how we never run out of words to say. Maybe we�ve missed each other�s company, despite the bitter separation we�ve had. But I couldn�t help it. There are questions that I still wanted to ask, and answers I still wanted to hear. �Why did you leave me?� I could not contain it anymore. �It was complicated,� he said. �But really why? You still haven�t explained your reasons.� �I did love you, and believe me, I still care for you. It was a torture not talking to you for days, torture not being able to explain to you everything. But I couldn�t find the words to say. When you gave up, when you told me you�re done with me, I don�t know. I felt hurt. I regretted that I haven�t tried to explain things clearly. I regretted that I�ve let you slip into my life that easy. The following weeks and months were difficult for me, too. I wanted to reach out to you, I wanted to talk to you, but I don�t know how. Maybe I was just scared. Maybe I am guilty for everything I�ve made you feel� when you don�t deserve any of it.� �You still haven�t answe . .� �Then I found out that you already have a boyfriend. I was happy for you. You moved on that easy, and I couldn�t blame you for that. Maybe I was really a douchebag. Maybe I deserve all of this, after all. � �So where�s the explaining part? The �why did you leave me� part?� �We�re here,� the driver said. I rolled my eyes, I know I still wouldn�t have the answers. I know he still wouldn�t tell me. We paid, and went out of the cab. By the time we reached the venue, our two friends aren�t still there. So we waited for them and talked about other things. I know there�s no use bringing up again the topic we�ve had earlier. So I just let it go. Things were never clear afterwards. Our friends came, we did our work, and we got things done. �Hey, have you seen him?� I asked one of our two friends. �Nope, maybe he�s left already.� �I thought you�ll be going home together?� �Nah, I�m heading somewhere else.� And that was the moment I knew.... It was just like before. He�ll come, and he�ll go. [b]The feelings I�ve had earlier, the longing for his affection, the moments we spent together, everything . . . were just suddenly gone.[/b] Maybe that�s the thing about us. We�re just a part of each other�s past, and we�re both glad that we�d stay that way. We�re both different now. We�ve grown apart. We�ve let each other go. We�ve moved on. [b]Maybe some things are meant to be left unsaid.[/b] I opened my eyes. I woke up feeling anxious. It was all a dream. And even in my dreams, things are complicated, unclear. It�s not that I haven�t moved on from him, it�s just that . . . maybe I still wanted answers. I still wanted a formal closure. Or I just wanted for us to be friends, again. Because I�m sure I�ve let him go. I�m sure I don�t want anything more going on between us.[b] And I�m happy now. [/b][/quote]

Last edited by yunish (2013-03-28 02:49:50)