[align=center][b]The Moment I Knew[/b] [i]03/28/2013[/i] [b][url=http://aprileunicelb.blogspot.com/2013/03/the-moment-i-knew-short-story.html]originally posted here[/url] [/align][/b] [quote]I was waiting outside my mom’s office. I was feeling apprehensive for what could possibly happen this day. I am supposed to work with my ex-“boyfriend”, whom I haven’t talked with since our “breakup”, and our two other friends. This is gonna be awkward, my thoughts say. I keep glancing on my phone, looking around, and then checking the time. I wonder when will he arrive. He was supposed to fetch me here. And just like the old times, I think he’s running late again. And then I look up, he was there, walking. He’s wearing that white polo on top of his shirt, and maong pants. I was surprised, for he was wearing a smile as well. Then I smiled back. It was funny how I managed to talk to him first, and our conversation never ended since then. It wasn’t awkward, after all. I’m feeling like I’m just meeting an old friend and catching up with him. I have no doubts to myself whether I love him still or not anymore. It’s been almost 2 years. I’ve moved on. And I’ve been happily in love with my current boyfriend for a year or so. But then he held my hand. I held it back. And it stared to get awkward for me again. At first our fingers were intertwined, but I let it go and just let him hold mine, palm to palm. He stared at me. I looked at him, questioningly. “What’s with that look, huh?” I asked playfully. “Nothing,” he said, “You just grew prettier since I last saw you.” I was flattered and I just smiled. I don’t trust myself to say anything this time. We were waiting for a cab. A familiar friend approached us, looked down at our hands, and smiled. I finally let his hand go. This is not right. This is not fair. What the hell am I doing? So I stepped forward, and let them talk. I could hear them giggling and laughing and suddenly… [b]He kissed me.[/b] Actually no, he kissed my neck. ([i]that playful kind of kiss[/i]) “What the f*ck was that?!” I turned to them, glaring. But their smiles are infectious, so I started smiling and laughing with them. All of a sudden I forgot about the kiss. And how it felt like just before. Or maybe I didn’t forget about it. I was actually savoring the moment. [b]I don’t know why it feels like I’ve been missing it all along.[/b] Then I shrugged the thoughts out of my head. I love my boyfriend. I couldn’t be unfair with him. And like a savior out of these feelings I have right now, a cab came. And we bid goodbye to our friend, and started heading to our destination. It was funny how we never run out of words to say. Maybe we’ve missed each other’s company, despite the bitter separation we’ve had. But I couldn’t help it. There are questions that I still wanted to ask, and answers I still wanted to hear. “Why did you leave me?” I could not contain it anymore. “It was complicated,” he said. “But really why? You still haven’t explained your reasons.” “I did love you, and believe me, I still care for you. It was a torture not talking to you for days, torture not being able to explain to you everything. But I couldn’t find the words to say. When you gave up, when you told me you’re done with me, I don’t know. I felt hurt. I regretted that I haven’t tried to explain things clearly. I regretted that I’ve let you slip into my life that easy. The following weeks and months were difficult for me, too. I wanted to reach out to you, I wanted to talk to you, but I don’t know how. Maybe I was just scared. Maybe I am guilty for everything I’ve made you feel… when you don’t deserve any of it.” “You still haven’t answe . .” “Then I found out that you already have a boyfriend. I was happy for you. You moved on that easy, and I couldn’t blame you for that. Maybe I was really a douchebag. Maybe I deserve all of this, after all. “ “So where’s the explaining part? The ‘why did you leave me’ part?” “We’re here,” the driver said. I rolled my eyes, I know I still wouldn’t have the answers. I know he still wouldn’t tell me. We paid, and went out of the cab. By the time we reached the venue, our two friends aren’t still there. So we waited for them and talked about other things. I know there’s no use bringing up again the topic we’ve had earlier. So I just let it go. Things were never clear afterwards. Our friends came, we did our work, and we got things done. “Hey, have you seen him?” I asked one of our two friends. “Nope, maybe he’s left already.” “I thought you’ll be going home together?” “Nah, I’m heading somewhere else.” And that was the moment I knew.... It was just like before. He’ll come, and he’ll go. [b]The feelings I’ve had earlier, the longing for his affection, the moments we spent together, everything . . . were just suddenly gone.[/b] Maybe that’s the thing about us. We’re just a part of each other’s past, and we’re both glad that we’d stay that way. We’re both different now. We’ve grown apart. We’ve let each other go. We’ve moved on. [b]Maybe some things are meant to be left unsaid.[/b] I opened my eyes. I woke up feeling anxious. It was all a dream. And even in my dreams, things are complicated, unclear. It’s not that I haven’t moved on from him, it’s just that . . . maybe I still wanted answers. I still wanted a formal closure. Or I just wanted for us to be friends, again. Because I’m sure I’ve let him go. I’m sure I don’t want anything more going on between us.[b] And I’m happy now. [/b][/quote]

Last edited by yunish (2013-03-28 02:49:50)