I was a believer too, grew up in the way of a Catholic until I knew then there’s something missing. I simply doubt when I was a kid without influence and yes, I became afraid I still prayed for forgiveness. Is this God’s plan for me or freewill? How do I know if God exist? I do not know and the search is a never ending journey. We live in an open society where there will be ideas you choose to believe and not. know your God and self. In the end, we’ll know.