[quote=bianx]I hope there will also be a visual image for the coach next time[/quote] fangirling. [quote=chaw;#387855;1395261848]And I want to tell the all of their life stories before I get down to the main plot. So yeah. This is all background story.[/quote] I'm gunna play editor. Actually I think the main char's life stories should even be a lil longer, the info was a bit scarce. And you also have to describe yourself from time to time because the readers don't know you. Also, Alex doesn't have a description the first time you mentioned him. [i]“I heard he digs men. ”[/i] >> should be I heard 'the coach' digs men, coz you were talking about aya-sensei. [quote=chaw;#387855;1395261848]“Wow, he really did it.”[/quote] Did what exactly? [quote=chaw;#387855;1395261848]“Child, why…are…you…crying…?” "I cannot tell them... I'm too afraid! " "Child, do not cry...."[/quote] I dunno I kinda got lost here. Were you narrating an urban legend or sth?

Last edited by aya (2014-03-20 01:17:41)