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- » HELP! who can suggest or revise my poem? i really need it tomorrow! 10/09/12
HELP! who can suggest or revise my poem? i really need it tomorrow! 10/09/12
- miczieshane
- Mica Shane Colina
- » FTalkAddict
Imperfect in any angle
Rated SPG
Cebu, Philippines
410
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HELP! who can suggest or revise my poem? i really need it tomorrow! 10/09/12
My teacher in English told us that we can revise our poem through the help of our friends, classmates, family etc.
As of now,
I would like you to help me revise my poem using POETIC devices like figures of speech,idioms, repetition etc.
You can also suggest titles.
I am not good in writing so please help me
here it is
[spoiler][align=center] [b]Where's my common sense? [/b]
Any kind of errand is really my weakness
The outcome of what I'm asked will show carelessness
Maybe the reason is that my brain works like a computer
I realize that multitasking results to disaster
I'm still wondering where on earth I left my common sense
so that if I am ask to do something, I'll not be in tense[/align][/spoiler]
If you're a guest contact me through
Facebook: www.facebook.com/miczieshane
gmail: [email protected]
Last edited by miczieshane (2012-10-08 09:46:49)
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Principe Azheef[?] likes this topic.
- Principe Azheef
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Re: HELP! who can suggest or revise my poem? i really need it tomorrow! 10/09/12
Wow i wanna share ma contribution soon. .gif)
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- miczieshane
- Mica Shane Colina
- » FTalkAddict
- Imperfect in any angle
- Rated SPG
- Cebu, Philippines
- 410
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- 2014-03-14
- Website
Re: HELP! who can suggest or revise my poem? i really need it tomorrow! 10/09/12
Principe Azheef: my poem sucks, right?
I don't have the gift to right any forms of literature.
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- lLovely.1pis
- Lovely Yeager
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Re: HELP! who can suggest or revise my poem? i really need it tomorrow! 10/09/12
yow mica, can you revise mine ? 
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- miczieshane
- Mica Shane Colina
- » FTalkAddict
- Imperfect in any angle
- Rated SPG
- Cebu, Philippines
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- 2014-03-14
- Website
Re: HELP! who can suggest or revise my poem? i really need it tomorrow! 10/09/12
[quote=lLovely.1pis;#299703;1349706055]yow mica, can you revise mine ?[/quote]
im not good in revising especially writing.
maybe the school pub buddies can help you.
basta dhaie,
di jud ko kbaw.
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- Principe Azheef
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Re: HELP! who can suggest or revise my poem? i really need it tomorrow! 10/09/12
[quote=miczieshane;#299700;1349705184]Principe Azheef: my poem sucks, right?
I don't have the gift to right any forms of literature.[/quote]
No its not. Small contributions makes bigger improvements...lets share our poems here.
Heres mine:
Breathing Poems:
just breath!
breath through,
breath though it hurts...
breath cause it helps
even if you only believe its worse,
have faith ,
just a glimps or a sigh
only a small reminder
of the human contender
that still wants to fight.
Take a breath,
just inhale
slow down your heart
and prepare to part
with the you that's frail.
Now open your eyes
and put up your guard
take a good look at life
your next impending fight
and, yes, it will always be hard!
Heres mine:
Breathing Poems:
just breath!
breath through,
breath though it hurts...
breath cause it helps
even if you only believe its worse,
have faith ,
just a glimps or a sigh
only a small reminder
of the human contender
that still wants to fight.
Take a breath,
just inhale
slow down your heart
and prepare to part
with the you that's frail.
Now open your eyes
and put up your guard
take a good look at life
your next impending fight
and, yes, it will always be hard!
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- miczieshane
- Mica Shane Colina
- » FTalkAddict
- Imperfect in any angle
- Rated SPG
- Cebu, Philippines
- 410
- 76
- 2014-03-14
- Website
Re: HELP! who can suggest or revise my poem? i really need it tomorrow! 10/09/12
[quote=Principe Azheef;#300194;1349869684]just breath!
breath through,
breath though it hurts...
breath cause it helps
even if you only believe its worse,
have faith ,
just a glimps or a sigh
only a small reminder
of the human contender
that still wants to fight.
Take a breath,
just inhale
slow down your heart
and prepare to part
with the you that's frail.
Now open your eyes
and put up your guard
take a good look at life
your next impending fight
and, yes, it will always be hard![/quote]
so cute
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- Principe Azheef
- ♕Zheefy Harmonia Mysteri…
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Re: HELP! who can suggest or revise my poem? i really need it tomorrow! 10/09/12
[quote=miczieshane;#300203;1349870708]so cute [/quote]
Waaakakakaaaaa thank you...I know its sounds kinda stupid in some ways...waaaaakakakakaaaa!
Heres another short one I wrote for ma BFF:
[b]When I'm online your words are always there![/b]
I type ma love for you On the computer screen
Never will you truly know Just how much you mean
Some may say it's crazy But I don't really care
They could never understand all that we have shared
All the nights you've spent with me Felt like you were here
Always with an open heart And an open ear
I never had to wonder If you truly care
Because when I turn on ma computer your words are always there!
[/quote]
Waaakakakaaaaa thank you...I know its sounds kinda stupid in some ways...waaaaakakakakaaaa!
Heres another short one I wrote for ma BFF:
[b]When I'm online your words are always there![/b]
I type ma love for you On the computer screen
Never will you truly know Just how much you mean
Some may say it's crazy But I don't really care
They could never understand all that we have shared
All the nights you've spent with me Felt like you were here
Always with an open heart And an open ear
I never had to wonder If you truly care
Because when I turn on ma computer your words are always there!
Last edited by Principe Azheef (2012-10-10 23:18:45)
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- miczieshane
- Mica Shane Colina
- » FTalkAddict
- Imperfect in any angle
- Rated SPG
- Cebu, Philippines
- 410
- 76
- 2014-03-14
- Website
Re: HELP! who can suggest or revise my poem? i really need it tomorrow! 10/09/12
[quote=Principe Azheef;#300205;1349871223]When I'm online your words are always there!
I type my love for you On the computer screen
Never will you truly know Just how much you mean
Some may say it's crazy But I don't really care
They could never understand all that we have shared
All the nights you've spent with me Felt like you were here
Always with an open heart And an open ear
I never had to wonder If you truly care
Because when I turn on my computer your words are always there![/quote]
ang seryoso naman ng iyong tula.
ako ay namangha sa mga salitang binitiwan mo sa iyong tula.
kung papalarin,
ang tula mo ay diringgin
ng iyong matalik na kaibigan
hanggan mapakailan paman .
GOOGLE TRANSLATE BRO 
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- Principe Azheef
- ♕Zheefy Harmonia Mysteri…
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Re: HELP! who can suggest or revise my poem? i really need it tomorrow! 10/09/12
[quote=miczieshane;#300212;1349872060]ang seryoso naman ng iyong tula.
ako ay namangha sa mga salitang binitiwan mo sa iyong tula.
kung papalarin,
ang tula mo ay diringgin
ng iyong matalik na kaibigan
hanggan mapakailan paman .
GOOGLE TRANSLATE BRO [/quote]
Hey this is awesome.......waaaaakakakaaaaaa Im inspired!
[/quote]
Hey this is awesome.......waaaaakakakaaaaaa Im inspired!
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- miczieshane
- Mica Shane Colina
- » FTalkAddict
- Imperfect in any angle
- Rated SPG
- Cebu, Philippines
- 410
- 76
- 2014-03-14
- Website
Re: HELP! who can suggest or revise my poem? i really need it tomorrow! 10/09/12
[quote=Principe Azheef;#303745;1351062657]Hey this is awesome.......waaaaakakakaaaaaa Im inspired![/quote]
weeh?
to prove you that you really understand the message,
translate it to ENGLISH
with correct grammer
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- Principe Azheef
- ♕Zheefy Harmonia Mysteri…
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Re: HELP! who can suggest or revise my poem? i really need it tomorrow! 10/09/12
[quote=miczieshane;#303747;1351063187]weeh?
to prove you that you really understand the message,
translate it to ENGLISH
with correct grammer[/quote]
(I try to translate base on what I've learn from FTalker members)
seriously turn your poem.I was amazed at the words you spoke in your poem if you're lucky, the poem will be your best friend map till the end.
Waaaakakakaaaaaa mind me if I made mistakes, Im not really got at tagalog yet! Ma tagalog sucks bro:lol3:
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- miczieshane
- Mica Shane Colina
- » FTalkAddict
- Imperfect in any angle
- Rated SPG
- Cebu, Philippines
- 410
- 76
- 2014-03-14
- Website
Re: HELP! who can suggest or revise my poem? i really need it tomorrow! 10/09/12
[quote=Principe Azheef;#303751;1351064550](I try to translate base on what I've learn from FTalker members)
seriously turn your poem.I was amazed at the words you spoke in your poem if you're lucky, the poem will be your best friend map till the end.
Waaaakakakaaaaaa mind me if I made mistakes, Im not really got at tagalog yet! Ma tagalog sucks bro:lol3:[/quote]
sorry bro but it is not what i mean...
need a help?
ask help from shana16 or lovely "the ipis"
need a help?
ask help from shana16 or lovely "the ipis"
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- Principe Azheef
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Re: HELP! who can suggest or revise my poem? i really need it tomorrow! 10/09/12
[quote=miczieshane;#303758;1351066712]sorry bro but it is not what i mean...
need a help?
ask help from shana16 or lovely "the ipis"[/quote]
Soon bro! waaaakakakaaaaaaaa
Heres the poem you want me to translate. Waakakakakaaaa!
your poem is so serious
i was amazed by the words you used in your poem
if lucky
your poem will be hear
by your bestfriend
till forever
need a help?
ask help from shana16 or lovely "the ipis"[/quote]
Soon bro! waaaakakakaaaaaaaa
Heres the poem you want me to translate. Waakakakakaaaa!
your poem is so serious
i was amazed by the words you used in your poem
if lucky
your poem will be hear
by your bestfriend
till forever
Last edited by Principe Azheef (2012-10-24 08:27:10)
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- ms.audrey99
- Audrey
- » FTalkAddict
- Rated SPG
- Cebu , Philippines
- 437
- 23
- 2014-04-14
Re: HELP! who can suggest or revise my poem? i really need it tomorrow! 10/09/12
[quote=Principe Azheef]just breath!
breath through,
breath though it hurts...
breath cause it helps
even if you only believe its worse,
have faith ,
just a glimps or a sigh
only a small reminder
of the human contender
that still wants to fight.
Take a breath,
just inhale
slow down your heart
and prepare to part
with the you that's frail.
Now open your eyes
and put up your guard
take a good look at life
your next impending fight
and, yes, it will always be hard![/quote]
nice one!!!
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- Principe Azheef
- ♕Zheefy Harmonia Mysteri…
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- 27535
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Re: HELP! who can suggest or revise my poem? i really need it tomorrow! 10/09/12
[quote=ms.audrey99;#304028;1351172734]nice one!!!
[/quote]
Hey thank you! Mind sharing yours?
Secret Admirer Poems written by ma BFF:(She wrote this for me last week, I dont really like this because shes insane)
[spoiler]I Really Like You
But You Don't Know
These Feelings I Have
I Can Never Show
I Always Wish That
I Could Be With You
But Deep Inside I Know
That Will Never Come True
I Think About You
Almost Everyday
Wishing I Could Find
The Right Words To Say
Hoping You Would Notice Me
When I Stare At You
But I Know That You Don't
Feel The Same As I Do
Im In Love With You
And There Is No Cure
But Forever I Will Only Be
Your Secret Admirer[/spoiler]
[/quote]
Hey thank you! Mind sharing yours?
Secret Admirer Poems written by ma BFF:(She wrote this for me last week, I dont really like this because shes insane)
[spoiler]I Really Like You
But You Don't Know
These Feelings I Have
I Can Never Show
I Always Wish That
I Could Be With You
But Deep Inside I Know
That Will Never Come True
I Think About You
Almost Everyday
Wishing I Could Find
The Right Words To Say
Hoping You Would Notice Me
When I Stare At You
But I Know That You Don't
Feel The Same As I Do
Im In Love With You
And There Is No Cure
But Forever I Will Only Be
Your Secret Admirer[/spoiler]
Last edited by Principe Azheef (2012-10-26 03:28:00)
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- SAY.Animus
- » FTalker
- 144
- 12
- 2015-10-14
Re: HELP! who can suggest or revise my poem? i really need it tomorrow! 10/09/12
[quote=Principe Azheef;#304157;1351236443]I Really Like You
But You Don't Know
These Feelings I Have
I Can Never Show
I Always Wish That
I Could Be With You
But Deep Inside I Know
That Will Never Come True
I Think About You
Almost Everyday
Wishing I Could Find
The Right Words To Say
Hoping You Would Notice Me
When I Stare At You
But I Know That You Don't
Feel The Same As I Do
Im In Love With You
And There Is No Cure
But Forever I Will Only Be
Your Secret Admirer[/quote]
This s cute.. hahaha
funny
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- Principe Azheef
- ♕Zheefy Harmonia Mysteri…
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- SHADOW TEAM FU-Tianz
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Re: HELP! who can suggest or revise my poem? i really need it tomorrow! 10/09/12
[quote=SAY.Animus;#304250;1351258427]This s cute.. hahaha
funny [/quote]
LOL kinda insane too! Waaakakakkaaaaaa.
Hoping to read your poems soon!
[/quote]
LOL kinda insane too! Waaakakakkaaaaaa.
Hoping to read your poems soon!
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- ms.audrey99
- Audrey
- » FTalkAddict
- Rated SPG
- Cebu , Philippines
- 437
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- 2014-04-14
Re: HELP! who can suggest or revise my poem? i really need it tomorrow! 10/09/12
Secret Admirer , ehhh????
cute poem.,.
[quote=Principe Azheef]Hey thank you! Mind sharing yours?[/quote]
Can you understand filipino words??
Cause most of the time, i write in filipino.
But when i write poems in english, i usually used very deep words that are very hard to understand
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- Principe Azheef
- ♕Zheefy Harmonia Mysteri…
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Re: HELP! who can suggest or revise my poem? i really need it tomorrow! 10/09/12
[quote=ms.audrey99;#304499;1351374931]Secret Admirer , ehhh????
cute poem.,.[/quote]
[quote=ms.audrey99;#304499;1351374931]Can you understand filipino words??
Cause most of the time, i write in filipino.
But when i write poems in english, i usually used very deep words that are very hard to understand[/quote]
Deep words are better I like it...waaaakakakaaaaaaaa.btw have it your way...post out poems anyway you like it to be...Imma try to understand you Ms Audrey.
[quote=ms.audrey99;#304499;1351374931]Can you understand filipino words??
Cause most of the time, i write in filipino.
But when i write poems in english, i usually used very deep words that are very hard to understand[/quote]
Deep words are better I like it...waaaakakakaaaaaaaa.btw have it your way...post out poems anyway you like it to be...Imma try to understand you Ms Audrey.
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